Two things, both are (strangely) related to underwear. No kidding.

Yesterday, I got the funniest email I’ve seen in quite awhile. It consisted of one line. I do know the person who sent it, but I haven’t spoken to him in over a month. He lives in California and does not, to my knowledge, have any of my underwear. πŸ™‚

all my regularly scheduled activities involve your underwear.

This was so out of the blue that it made me laugh out loud. It’s got that “all your base are belong to us” absurd feel to it.

But, even better than the message itself, was the Google Ad it sparked at the top of my screen.

“Mormon Underwear. TheguidetoMormons.com”

Oh, I had to click on that. I mean, Had To, right? Little did I know this would lead to an hour of obsessive clicking.

After reading the first paragraph, I dissolved into fits of giggles.[1]

“Generally, Mormon underwear is not physically extraordinary. The garment is just made of the usual materials, like cotton and other light-weight materials. Most of them are white, but they can be another color if the wearer holds a milirary rank.[sic]”

Mormon underwear, evidently contrary to popular belief, is not “physically extraordinary?” Wow.

And then it occurred to me – “Whoa – this is part of the dissemination of LDS information? Um, why?”

But, on top of that, holders of military rank…get special underwear?!

Also, I beg to differ that the underwear is not physically extraordinary, because, “The underwear also bears marks which signify orientations toward the principle of truth, life, obedience and discipleship in Jesus Christ.”

Right now, my underwear bears marks of surfboards, which signifies orientations toward the principles of “aloha” and “hey, Barney!”

Further, “Wearing the underwear will constantly remind Mormons that they are β€œin the world, but not of it.” In the present social evolution, wherein modesty and morality has drastically reduced, the garment will be a kind of protection.”

The underpants will be “a kind of protection?” What kind? Are they equipped with some kind of alarm? Is there a dye packet in there? Are they phenotypical Grannie Panties and therefore will send any misguided boy shrieking into the night?

What sort of underwear a Mormon might be required to wear had seriously never, ever entered my mind. Now, I can’t stop thinking about it! I mean, why do they have a whole page on a Mormon website related to them? Is this a serious area of inquiry? “Y’know, I’ve thought about becoming Mormon… but tell me – what sort of underwear do you guys have to wear?”

Evidently! Because Googling “Mormon underwear” yields 46,000 results!! Starting with, holy fucking shit, Mormon-Underwear.com!

Naturally, it also has its own Wikipedia entry (with, thank goodness, photos – because I was seriously starting to wonder.)

Really, I can’t think of what else to say about this. I’ll let you boggle amongst yourselves. πŸ˜‰

[1] Please understand – I am not making fun of Mormons. I’m making fun of websites about their underwear.

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