I Begin to See Why…

…actual doctors like figent_figary cannot stand to watch medical dramas on TV. Personally, I enjoy them, but even knowing just the tiniest slice of “real” medicine that I do, I can spot actors doing things completely backwards. My current peeve is something that would be so simple to fix – teach the actors that stethoscopes should be put on so that the earpieces face forward. I never knew there was a wrong way to put on a stethoscope until a few weeks ago, and it’s not something most people think of. Still, on a medical show, perhaps it would be wise to ensure the basics are covered?

I can’t imagine how many more details are going to slowly drive me crazy with these shows as my knowledge increases… but I hope it’s not the point of ruining them for me completely. As silly as “House” is, I adore it. As drama-bunny-laden as “Grey’s Anatomy” is, I love it, anyhow. The individual plot of each show is always, always the same. What gets me are the characters – I love the dialogue, I love the progression and development, I love the friendships. The relationship between Wilson and House is one of the funniest on television, but also one of the more subtle. The actor who plays Wilson (who is the same actor who, as a young boy, played the kid who committed suicide in “The Dead Poet’s Society,”) has a natural comic genius.

Going in to each episode of “House,” we know that someone has a crazy, misdiagnosed illness. The Team will run tests, House will grouse superiorly because he knows all along what’s wrong with said patient. Treatments are given, which alternately make the patient better or worse, and which lead to different symptoms and different diagnoses. House, shockingly, is wrong about his initial assumptions. Brilliant plan is hatched, patient is saved.

What we don’t know is what new twist will arise in House and Wilson’s friendship, what wry wit is going to pop up and what else House can do to abuse their relationship.

House: Don’t talk to my patient.
Dr. Wilson: What are you talking about?
House: You get all huffy when my patient stumbles into yours in the hallway, but you’ve got no qualms about chatting my guy up.
Dr. Wilson: This is fun, it’s like Password. Keep talking, I’ll jump in when I get a clue what the hell you’re talking about.

In another episode, Wilson has kidnapped House’s prized guitar.

House: Give it back.
Dr. Wilson: (Befuddled) What happened? Did someone… kidnap your guitar? Your twelve-thousand-dollar 1967 Flying V? Or something?
House: Where’d you hide it?
Dr. Wilson: I’m flattered you would consider me this bold and brilliant.
House: Yeah, it takes a cri… (stops, seeing letters cut out from Dr. Wilson’s newspaper, which resemble the ransom note for the guitar) It takes a criminal mastermind to pull off a heist from an unlocked, unguarded room down the hall. What do you want?
Dr. Wilson: (Surprised) Me? Nothing. But I’m sure the kidnapper wants what every kidnapper wants. (Solemnly) To see you interview five to seven well-qualified fellowship candidates.
House: I don’t need a team.
Dr. Wilson: (Exasperated) You were bouncing ideas off a janitor!
House: And solved the case!


Dr. Wilson: (over a piece of House’s “kidnapped” guitar) Oh my god. This guy means business. Or guys, it could be multiple, multiple guys. Or a gal. Who knows. All I can say is, this reeks of boldness.
House: I am not hiring a team.
Dr. Wilson: You ever tighten a guitar string really, really slowly? Past the point it can handle the strain? It makes this weird sound. Almost like a scream. (squeaking) EEEeeeeeeeeeee!!

[Yet later]

House: Did you ever see Raid on Entebbe?
Dr. Wilson: Yeah, in the end they released the hostages. How’s that working for you?
House: The Ugandans played fair. They didn’t move the hostages on the Israelis.
Dr. Wilson: Once again, I am in awe of the kidnapper’s tactical brilliance.
House: (switches on Dr. Wilson’s TiVo) What is “El Fuego Del Amor” and why do you need ten of them?
Dr. Wilson: It’s a… it’s a Telenovela. I’m learning Spanish.
House: Well, say adios.
Dr. Wilson: (Panicked) Are you erasing my Tivo? House! Not the season finale!
House: I don’t negotiate with terrorists. I smoke them out of their hidey-holes.

Ok, I’ve put off doing Algebra long enough. If only there were a Math Union, who ruled that we can only do so many pages of homework per week, and anything above and beyond that number would be considered extra credit. Alas.

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