Bethesda Software’s First E3 Conference

[aka, “an orgy of awesome”]

I wrote this bit for a friend’s game review site back when the 2015 E3 conference happened, then forgot to put it anywhere under my own domains after a time (so his site would get Google credit for the original content.)

We saved the best for last: FUCKING BETHESDA

Bethesda absolutely nailed their bit: The presentations were smooth, polished, entertaining, and unbelievably gorgeous. The speakers were engaging, confident, and clearly knew their material – These guys love what they do, and it really shines through. Besthesda have truly outdone themselves for their first E3 ever.


So many weapons, so much gratuitous, glorious gore. Did you just rip that guy’s arm off his corpse and use it to unlock a door? FUCK YES, YOU DID. And you loved it. This incarnation of the DOOM franchise blew us away. It’s beautiful in a demonic, hellbeasty sort of way. Wait – is that a Revenant… with a jet pack… and goddamn lasers? You’d best believe it. Just when we thought it couldn’t get any better – SnapMap! This may be the best player-driven content we’ve seen yet. The system makes it incredibly easy to create and instantly share levels and play styles of your own design – no more external dev kits, man; do that shit up natively.

ESO expansion! 

More quests, more dungeons, more mind blowing, boss killing, ASS KICKING ADVENTURE. Explore Orsinium, Realm of the Orcs in the latest expansion of Elder Scrolls Online. Drink Beer, Ride Bears, Do whatever the fuck you want because it’s ESO…….We Know.

Fallout 4!

We’ve all seen the trailer, and it looks amazing. That dog, right? Our hopes were high; FINALLY! The next Fallout! Fears and anxiety ran rampant, though: Would it be up to snuff? Would it be too strange and fail to fit well into the franchise? What if… what if it sucks? NOPE! If anything, Bethesda recognized the enormous expectations their fans had for this game, and met them. Then surpassed them. Then ran them over with a tank, while humming along to swing music from the 40’s, lighting a cigar, and field-stripping an AK-47. Build my own settlement? Fuck. YES. Sure, it’s Skyrim’s Hearthfire DLC, but dammit if I didn’t get giddy thinking about possibilities here.

Have I mentioned the dog? You can tell the dog to do things – “Hey, bring me that wrench;” “Go kill that mole rat;” “Wait here.” So. Good.

The dialogue, character creation screen, voice acting, and overall look and feel are just mind-blowingly good. Our hero even has a voice now!

An app that gives me a fully functional PIP-Boy? Are you kidding me? Is this even real life right now? A collector’s edition with a wearable PIP-Boy casing?! Shut up and take my frickin’ money!

Another Overseer app that’s like the The Sims meets Fallout? Pinch me.

This may be the biggest, best-hyped game of the year, and given what we saw at the conference, it’s going to be fucking amazing.


All in all, the E3 conference met, and in some cases, surpassed our expectations. We’re looking forward to many hours hunched over our keyboards and controllers, forfeiting things like “outside,” and “the sun,” and “sex with our lonely partners.”

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